Yeah thanks Andmerr!!! Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A. Pull the pin and throw it back. To get into heaven you had to walk up 100 stairs but on each stair god asks you a joke if you laugh you go to HELL. So the brunette gets to the 56th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then red-head gets to the 97th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then the blonde gets into heaven and bursts out laughing then god asked her "why are you laughing?" the blonde replied "I just got the first one!"
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
oh i forgot to mention mine joke was true story on my local radio staion. don't know if it was blond or not.but i'm sure it was a blond.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? A: Air Pockets Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. lol just a few i heard tonight lol
A man and his blonde girlfriend (Amber) are lying in bed together. The girl turns over to her boyfriend (Jeff) and says... "Baby, we never do anything together anymore, this weekend let's do something together, just the two of us". Jeff says, "Baby, I didn't realize that you felt that way. I feel awful. I'll tell you what, you make plans for us tonight. Whatever you want to do is fine and when I get home from work we'll do it." "Really, you mean it, anything I want?!! Oh baby, I love you sooooo much. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you", exclaimed Amber. So Jeff goes to work and Amber racks her brain trying to plan the perfect evening. Finally, she figures it out. Jeff gets home right on time and she meets him at the door. "Baby, come to the kitchen, I've got everything setup for us!", she exclaims. Jeffs walks in the kitchen. Amber says, "I thought it'd be nice if we did a puzzle together. It has your favorite in it, a tiger, and baby I know how much you love tigers..." Jeff looks at the table with all the pieces spread out, then looks at Amber. He then leans his head back looking at the ceiling, while closing his eyes and shaking his head. Then he says, "Amber, baby, Please put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box. I'll change and then we'll go out to dinner.
Two blondes walked into a department store........... You'd have thought that one of them would have seen it!
This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?" She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?" To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"
Q: Why do blondes use electric lawn mowers to mow their lawn? A: So they can follow the cord back to the house when they're done.
Three women: a brunette, red head, and a blond are having drinks at a bar. The bartender notices that they seem bored and decides to do something about it. He starts off: "Ladies, ladies....you seem sad or something. How about I tell you ladies a secret? The ladies turn their attention to the bartender and listens to what he has to say. "You know, in the restroom, the middle mirror happens to be magical. If you turn off the lights and face the mirror and tell something about yourself that happens to be true amongst you ladies, you can go ahead and wish for something. " The ladies looking astonished and dumbfounded: "Really?!" "Yeah..." , replies the bartender. "However, I must warn you. If you say something incorrectly about your self, something bad will happen to you. Make your wish first, then tell the mirror something true about you." Thinking it's such a seemingly easy task, the ladies gather outside the restroom to tell the magic mirror something true about themselves... The brunette goes in first, turns off the light...She wishes for a handsome stud for her to date...then proceeds to tell something about herself. "Mirror, Mirror...out of the 3 of us girls, I believe that I am the smartest!" The mirror lights up very bright and then the mirror stops glowing. Suddenly, a handsome stud appears out of nowhere. Happy that her wish came true, she runs out with the man. The other ladies are shocked that the magic mirror actually worked! Next, the red head strolls in and wishes for a million bucks. "Mirror, Mirror....I believe that I am the hottest of the three of us. The mirror lights up brightly for a moment and then stops glowing. A bright flash appears and then a suitcase appears in front of her feet. The red head opens the suit case to find it loaded with cash. Happy, she takes the money and runs out. The blonde looking shocked, rushes in to get her wish fulfilled. The blond contemplates for a while, then wishes for bigger boobs. "Mirror, Mirror...I think--- Before she could finish her sentence, the ceiling collapses and falls on the blond....
A blonde is on an airplane travelling economy and notices there is an empty seat in first class. She calmly gathers her carry-on luggage and proceeds to the open seat in first class. Soon after, a stuartist who had noticed her in economy earlier had asked to see her ticket. The lady then told her as nicely as she knew how that she had purchased a ticket for economy class and couldn't ride in first class. The blonde replied "I'm going to Dallas Texas and I'm going first class." The stuartist tried to explain to her that she could lose her job if she let the blonde travel in first class when she didn't pay for it. Again the blonde replied "I'm going to Dalls Texas and I'm going first class." A couple more of the attendants tried to reason with the blonde when finally the pilot came back when he heard of the issue. The pilot asked the blonde "What seems to be the problem maam?" She replied with her same "I'm going to Dallas Texas and I'm going first class." The pilot thought for a moment then leaned down in the blondes ear and whispered something and suddenly the blonde stood up and said "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll just go back to my seat then thank you." The attendants were amazed and confused at the same time when one of them asked "What on earth did you tell that lady to get her to go back to her seat?" The pilot responded "I just told her that first class wasn't going to Dallas Texas."
A blonde girl get pulled over by the state highway patrolman for speeding. The male trooper gets out and asks the blond: Maam, may I see your liscense please? Blonde: Sure,it's on the front and rear bumbers! Trooper: No maam,can I see your vehicle registration please? Blonde: What's that? The state trooper then proceeds to unzip his pants and whip out his manhood. The blonde looks at it and say, On no!!!!, Not another breathalyzer!!!!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an "F" in sex. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. lol sorry if that was alot lol ...
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer. Q: Why did the blonde have square tits? A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes. LMAO
A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut. The barber asks her to take off her headphones, and she says she needs them and can't take them off. As he starts to cut her hair, she falls asleep in the chair. The barber can't cut her hair correctly with the earphones on, so he removes them, and after 30 seconds she drops dead. Startled by what’s happened, he picks up the earphones to listen what it was and they said: "Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out...
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt. The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where." The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!" Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!" She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!" She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!" The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger LOL
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.
Ok I have one too: One day a blonde gets sick of hearing blonde jokes and she dyes her hair red. Sometime later she is driving in the country, when she sees sheep crossing the road and blocking her path. She gets out and wants to keep one of the sheep. She goes to the herder and says, " If I can guess the number of sheep here, will you let me keep one?". The herder agrees. She guesses right and he lets her have one. She chooses the cutest,nicest and happiest sheep. The herder says, " If I guess your original haircolor, will you give me my dog back"
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. [bold]REMOVED FOR ANDMERR[/bold] Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
