better late than never, but, o'h i guess i owe you an apology lola, jumped the gun a bit then (sighs sheepishly) just incase auslander you actually do persuade your lovely lass about the joys of being kinky: this ones for you http://www.bondagewatch.com/picpost/
TOP 8 MORONS OF 2004 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to! Repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!" 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!"! The man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)! 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. (NOW REMEMBER..THIS IS TRUE.) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Sorry Andmerr, but believe it or not, I'm more into the kinky stuff than Auslander is. He really isn't into that stuff. I'm not either, but still more than him. I'd be the one really saying "Bring on the whip cream!"
Hey regor, does your riddle have anything to do with the book The Wastelands of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King? Lots of the clues lead to that. I still don't understand the used car part. Charlie and Choo Choo clue: character Beryl Evans was the author of Charlie the Choo Choo Bangor clue: Stephen King lives in Bangor, Maine trig cove clue: Tick Tock man's description is- Andrew Quick, a trig cove Am I right?
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That soundslike Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual." 13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!" 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore" 23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
Little April is not the best student in sunday school, usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher tried to catch little april out to see if she was paying attention in class. She called on her while she was napping, "tell me, april, who created the universe?" When april didn't stir, little johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. "god almighty!" shouted april and the teacher said, "very good," and april fell back asleep. a while later the teacher asked april, " april, who is our lord and saviour? ," but, april didn't even stir from her slumber. once again, johnny came to the rescue and poked her again. "jesus christ!" shouted april and the teacher said, "very good," and april fell back asleep. then the teacher asked april a third question. "what did eve say to adam after she had their twenty-third child?" and again, johnny! jabbed her with the pen. This time april jumped up and shouted, "if you stick that f**king thing in me one more time, i'll break it in half and stick it up your f**king ar*e!!! The teacher then fainted.
[bold]I BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/bold] details please lola you've got a captured audience, stop holding us in suspense............Out with it..lol
you spoilt sport lola, arent we all family(one big happy family).............lol only joking............. andrew
This was an actual letter sent out by Saint Mary's Church: If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord! Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child: Frequently wears black clothing. Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish. Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshiping symbols. Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Takes drugs. Drinks alcohol. Is suicidal and/or depressed. Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) Complains of boredom. Sleeps too excessively or too little. Is excessively awake during the night. Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Spends large amounts of time alone. Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.) Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Misbehaves at school. Misbehaves at home. Eats excessively or too little. Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Is homosexual and/or bisexual. Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "Woe is me, I'm a goth." Claims to be a goth. *If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.*
i meet most of the requirements, so i guess i'm a goth? got this in an email a few days ago, with the exception that it stated i would need mental treatment.
Well, if one only needs five characteristics then I guess every teengager is a goth and is clearly straying away from "God" (the quotations are not to offend, but to show respect for anyone who really doesn't believe).
Oh Lola... you are a DrawingLS dear, and probably even more trig than Auslander. You get the kupie and I am most proud of you!!! Most proud! the reference to the used car was Christine (Stephen King novel) You did well, lass! [bold]added comentary[/bold] -- The reference to Robert Browning should have been a dead giveaway... "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came" was the inspiration to Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series. Six books, all very good; not sci fi or horror, more gothic/mid-world western than anything. Just fyi.
