Is this more to Pulsar's liking? Subject: Jewish Tradition HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE Question 1) How do you know when you are at an Orthodox Jewish Wedding? Answer. The mother of the bride is pregnant. Question 2) How do you know when you are at a Conservative Jewish Wedding? Answer. The bride is pregnant. Question 3) How do you know when you are at a Reform Jewish Wedding? Answer. The rabbi is pregnant.
OK, I got the last one, but not the other 2! Still looking down to make sure, smiles contently! Ahhhhh!!!!
A local feature in my area is Malham Cove. It was a waterfall the same height as Niagara falls a few hundred thousand years ago. Now it is just a cliff. Anyways, a friend of mine was there, in front of him & his girlfriend was a school party of Jewish children. One of the children asked "How high is it?", my friend replied, well within earshot & deliberately loud, "365 feet, but to you 360". I nearly lost control of my bodily functions laughing!
What's The Difference? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops screwing you after you're dead.
been busy among those things theres work, work more work AD and BB , even found another couple of sites that interest me as well
DON'T MESS WITH THE COOK In the Bundeswehr (West German Army), a company of soldiers decided to have some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong. After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were beginning to feel guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to mend their ways. The cook heard them out, then said, "You are going to stop sh@tting in my boots? Fine, then I will stop pi@@ing in your coffee." Logged andmerr I changed it,as if i have time to read them all.. i am sure there might be other doubles.
think if you read the last 40 pages you would of seen this one already mentioned with a lot of others..............lol but funny still the bsame
Updates from around Europe: The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military. The Italians have increased their alert level from "shouting excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides". The Germans have also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "full dress-uniform and marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose". Finally in the UK we've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea". Our higher levels are "chin-up" and "remain cheerful".
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Transubstantiate Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk: Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you Nope, no more booze for me, I have clearly had enough Sorry, but you're not really my type Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? I dont think its appropriate for us to take off our clothes here I'm not interested in fighting you, violence is not the answer Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front. No kebab for me, thank you
Polar Bear -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy is forced to live in a remote Eskimo villiage but is having trouble interacting with the villiagers. Finally he corners one of them and asks why they won't talk to him. The villiager responds that he has not been initiated as a man. He ask's what do I have to do? The villiager says, first you have to drink 2 bottles of Russian Vodka, then you have to go into a cave and kill a polar bear with your bear hands, then to seal your induction into manhood you have to make love for 10 hours straight with one of our women. The man says he will do it. That night there's a big party to initiate the stranger. Everyone sits around the fire and they pass him a bottle of Vodka. He down's about half without much trouble, bet the second half is much more difficult. Finally he finishes it, and they pass him another. He finally manages to finish off the second bottle and the crowd claps and sings. Then he tried to get up but fell over drunk. The Cheif picks him up and points him in the direction of the polar bear cave. He staggers over and climbs in. Suddenly there's a huge commotion from within the cave. Bears growling and him screaming and wailing in pain. Half an hour later he stumbles out of the cave, Torn to shreds, bloodied, and half dead. He turns to the crowd and drunkenly says, Okeee now where's the woman I gotta kill?
The Dogs -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a poodle, told his woeful tale. "My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I wet all over the backseat. I'm here to be put down." The other two dogs nodded sympatheticly, then the second, a Kelpie, explained his situation. "A brand new Persian rug had just been placed in the loungeroom, and it was very expensive. My owners made a big fuss of it, when it came. Then, once when I was in the room, I had an incredible urge to roll all over it. So I did, and ended up getting quite a bit of my fur over the mat. My owners were very annoyed, and sent me here to be put to sleep." The other two dogs nodded, and the first dog asked the third, a German Shepard, what he was there for. "My owner has this habit of cleaning the house in the nude, and once when she was cleaning under the sofa, I just couldn't help myself. I jumped on and had the ride of my life." The other dogs tut-tutted. "So you're here to be put down too?" he asked. The Shepard shook his head. "No, just to get my nails clipped!"
