THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! This is a very nice anniversary present. It is my wife's and my 36th wedding anniversary today. Life is good.
congratulations, Bruce! the relationship between you and your wife is one to be admired and envied! here's to another 36 years!
Thank you,young fella. I wasn't too much older than you when I got married. I was 20, and she was 18.
getting in early as friday is but 2 hours away: This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, "I want to get screwed." The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, "I really want to get screwed, bad!" A very sexy voice replies "Just slide $20 under the door." So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits... Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells out "I want to get screwed!" The sexy voice behind the door answers, "Again?" A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he entered specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised, he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says, "With my penis, you dummy." The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a parrot." The parrot says, "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says, "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for." The parrot says, "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Bush said this, the A's won, the Giants lost, the Pope did so and so. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says, "Come in and shut the door." The guy says, "What's up?" The parrot says, "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips." The guy says, "Oh, a momentary flight of passion." The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but then he fondled her breasts." The guy says, "He did??" The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts." The guy says, "My God, what happened next!?" The parrot says, "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"
WHO WANTS TO BE A puppy (cat) LOVER ON FRIDAY NIGHT NOT ME, give me mon,tue,wed,thur,???,sat,sun below is a friday night cute puppy. if ye can not see the pix click here http://naiv.us/io/files/macros/Cool Animated Gifs/unspeakable.gif
NOW CAN YE SEE THE PIX, WHO WANTS TO BE A puppy (cat) LOVER ON FRIDAY NIGHT NOT ME, give me mon,tue,wed,thur,{???},sat,sun below is a friday night cute puppy.
Texas Justice A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule." The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?." The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck. Polish Divorce A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? -Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? ?It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?-No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? -All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? -No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? -No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? -She going to kill me. What makes you think that? -I got proof. What kind of proof? -She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover". Twin Brothers There were two identical twin brothers by the name of Jones. John was married but Joe, the other brother, was single and the owner of a small dilapidated boat. It happens that the same day that John's wife died, Joe's boat sank. A kind old lady met Joe on the street and mistaking him for his brother John said, "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear of your great loss. You must feel terrible". Joe responded, "Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was rotten from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, she smelled of old fish even from the first time I got on her. She made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad hole in the front and a big crack in the back. The hole kept getting bigger every time I used her. It got so, I could handle her all right, but when anyone else used her, she leaked all over the place. What finished her, though, was four guys from the other side of town who came over looking for a good time. They asked if they could use her and I rented her, but warned them that she wasn't too hot. But they insisted that they would like to give her a try. The result was that the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once. The strain was too much for her, she cracked right down the middle". The Old Lady FAINTED
This one is priceless. Well see for yourself---> http://saoma.com/temp/bush/ [bold]Be sure to turn up your speaker volume before clicking on the link[/bold]. Just follow along with the text.
A Plan to save bankrupt airlines: Replace all female flight attendants with some good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton
THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP 1. It is important to find someone who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It is important to find someone who can make you laugh. 3. It is important to find someone who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important to find someone who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It is very important that these four people don't know each other!
Not quite a Friday funny but try this any way The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly-complicated way. > > > >2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?" > > > >Wrong Answer. > > > >Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. > > > >3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... >except one. Which animal does not attend? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. > > > >4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. > > > >According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals >they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct >answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that >most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old. > > > >Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends. > > > >PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good. > >
everyone watch this, its the coolest freaking video i've ever seen in my life... http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=1244
Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it, you cannot enter the United States of America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at a Verizon help desk. I talked to him yesterday.
yes, but Ireland doean't have a thumbnail... what's up with that? I have two thumbnails. I am blessed. We are blessed. Ireland is --- blessed ok Ireland, you are blessed but you still don't have no thumbnail.
