lol ireland your throwing newbies away from afterdawn lol. great picture though must have taken a bit of time.
ok found some really really funny pics but you have to go to the links otherwise it wont show http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/machine.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/irc.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/error.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/keyboard1.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/msword.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/msmigraine.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/office2000.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/windows99.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/windowsnt-cave.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/stupida.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/bill-gatus.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/directx.htm <<this ones funny http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/blondes/howtoprint.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/women/engineer.htm my faveriot delivery companies are fighting over me lol http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/miscellaneous/ups-meets-fedx.htm http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/opened.htm << lets see that dust up! erm thats suppose to go into drive d:\ http://www.tburke.net/fun_stuff/pictures/computers/women-in-it.htm p.s ireland you should love these maby you can edit a few to rebring the laughs
glitchzoo it took me around 15 min to redo that pix,including the upload here.. and i do not use photoshop..
glitchzoo heres one of ye pixs ye posted,big change is,now his arm is pointing down...and i put the bears Shadow in front.......... RIAA IS AFTER ME IRISH TEDDY BEAR.. cheers and good night
I've always had a beard. Well, practically. I think it was 1981 or 82 that I shaved my beard off for the first time ever since my wife and then 2 kids had even even seen me shaved. It was New Years eve. We had friends over (tradition to swap homes every other year for New Years celebration; that way we could walk instead of drive and alternating between years the burden of mess and debris and vomit wasn't on the same family to clean up year after year Minutes before the bell toll midnight I was already prepared to run into the bathroom and very quickly, with an electric razor/shear shave my beard off. I did exactly that. Zip Zip Zooey! Gone! I walked into the living room as the bell tolled, every one was standing in there yipping and yelling the new year in.... I stood next to my wife and put my arm around her. Turned in to give her a New Years smackola right on the lips and she looked at me and said "GROW IT BACK". I did!
wow they got a whole squad to hunt down a teddy bear lol have you looked at all the pics? there funny
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. "The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry . The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place. " He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!" THERE'S MORE. . . Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis, " Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either! " IT IS NOT OVER YET. . Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. . . and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding! "
THIS LITTLE STORY WILL SURELY MAKE YOU SMILE! >> >> A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. >> She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. >> She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, >> totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. >> "What are you doing?" she asked. >> "I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law >> answered. >> "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. >> "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. >> "Love dress? But you're naked!" >> "John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him >> to no end. Ever y time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes >> romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." >> The mother-in-law left. >> When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best >> perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch >> waiting for her husband to arrive. >> Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying >> there so provocatively. >> "What are you doing?" he asked. >> "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. >> "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
dudes i need jokes badly cumon im at this place every mon and thursday and the main guy there always put me on the spot for a joke and guess what ... i dont know any or i forget them and tell them muddled up :'(. Ireland help me :'( btw good one crowy thats ones quite good
The Doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of him self. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!", the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then sai d, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? " Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see.. size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Corporate Lesson 1 : A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, " I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, " Who was that? " " It was Bob the next door neighbour, " she replies. " Great! " the husband says, " did he say anything about the $800 he owes me? " Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2: A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, " Father, remember Psalm 129? " The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, " Father, remember Psalm 129? " The priest apologized " Sorry sister but the flesh is weak. " Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, " Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory. " Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Corporate Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, " I'll give each of you just one wish. " " Me first! Me first! " says the admin. clerk. " I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. " Poof! She's gone. " Me next! Me next! " says the sales rep. " I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. " Poof! He's gone. " OK, you're up, " the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, " I want those two back in the office after lunch. " Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Corporate Lesson 4: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, " Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? " The crow answered: " Sure, why not. " So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. Corporate Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. " I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy. " " Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? " replied the bull. " They're packed with nutrients. " The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull**** t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there .
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end." "I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse." Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey this looks like yours." "I don't remember much after that."
A biology professor at the University of Australia, was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this wasn't the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood.... He pointed to a young woman in the first row, and asked, " do you know what your arsehole is doing whilst your having an orgasm" She replied " probably out fishing with his mates "
